The House Wives of Chaves County............

Catchy title huh? Bet you are wondering just where this is going aren't you? Well I have decided that since reality TV is all the rage...or I guess it is...I don't partake, that Cottonpicker and DirtroadScrapper and I are going to have our own reality TV program. Yep this came to me last night as I was laying there listening to the howling of coyotes and my big dumb white dog barking back.

Oh by the way I haven't told them yet....shhhhhhh

What on earth inspired this decision? Well let me tell you. When DH and I snuck off on our little anniversary trip to the land of weird a couple of months ago we were holed up in our room, afraid the night creepers would get us....Have any of you seen...I am Legend? Well it was kinda the same deal. We were afraid to go out after dark.So we turned on the TV. When you don't have TV at home and you go somewhere that does you watch strange things. The show we happened upon was entitled....I think this was the title...The housewives of Orange county. Girls let me tell you...I was shocked and amazed at these women. I really didn't think that grown women could act the way these gals did. I hope to goodness it was mostly for show, cause if it wasn't...well I just don't know. For once I am at a loss for words. The only thing that rattled around in their heads was shopping, getting their hair, nails, bodies, done and more shopping. Oh and don't forget the backbiting and fighting and just general bad rude behavior. Common as pigs tracks my Mamaw would say.

Well watching that got me to thinking how different our lives were. I mean they had money and apparently lots of it. A spa day that cost a thousand dollars. Do you know how many groceries I could buy for a thousand dollars? Heck if I wanted a mud treatment I could go and scoop it out of the water tub for free and the nice moss that grows in it could only be beneficial for a more soft and creamy complexion. Of course you might not want to apply to close to the nose...the smell you know. Whew.

Cottonpicker and Dirtroadscrapper and I have never had a spa day. Does the chiropractor count? Our days out on the town together are few and far between. And they usually consist of eating. Cottonpicker gets a gift card every year from someone...she won't say, I think it is a secret, she wants to be the important one with the gift card. And since our birthdays are all close together, theirs are in January and mine is February we all meet in town and eat. Of course we usually have to do some smallish errands as well. Just little dinky things like buying a months supply of groceries. Picking up dog food, chicken feed, that me, they don't have chickens. Buying new brooms...that's Cottonpicker...the woman is broom obsessed. Checking out the sales at Hobby Lobby, can't drag Dirtroadscrapper away from the scrapbook paper and such. Oh and don't forget we have to toodle down the fabric aisle and check out patterns and such things as that. But we have never had a spa day.

Road trips. The Orange county gals have them. They went on a boating trip, I guess that would not be a road trip, but a sea trip? We go on road trips. Yes we do. Why just a few short months ago we went on a road trip and Dirtroad bought her a fancy new sewing machine. We almost had to give her a shot of ace to calm her nerves after she wrote the check, but she gathered herself up and maintained and eventually quit mumbling to herself before we got back to Artesia. And who could forget the infamous road trip that Cottonpicker and I went on to the quilt show and got offered belly dancing lessons, not at the quilt show, don't want ya to think that quilters are these wild crazy women. She came home with a wennie dog. And we both came home with assorted yo yo makers that we have both long since given up on. And just to show yall that we are adventures spur of the moment fly by the seat of our pants kinda gals I will tell you this story. Last summer we decided to go to the new quilt shop about an hour away. We got around, they came by here and we left. We drove and drove and finally arrived at our destination. Giddy with excitement we pulled up to the store. Oh no it didn't look good, there were no lights on. We all jumped out of the jeep and ran to the door. We peered in OH NO. No one was there! How could this be? We looked on the sign and it said these horrid words...closed on Monday's. Oh it was awful I tell you awful! Our tears left smuggy tracts all down the window of the door. We were beside ourselves with grief. What to do? We sat back down in the jeep, possibly gobbled some chocolate, I can't remember the stress of it all gave me traumatic stress disorder. Oh what to do now. All of a sudden it came to us...we could not be defeated. We came to buy quilting stuff and by golly we were going to buy quilting stuff. So the logical thing to do was go on to Lubbock Texas. I mean we were already headed in that direction and after a mere 2 hours and 45 minutes were were there. Of course we were famished by this time and needed to regain our strength. So we ate. And few hours later after hitting the quilting shops aaaaand the mall we headed back to the land of enchantment.What a day.

Phone conversations. The Orange county gals had them. They went like this.." Oh yes I do believe that Andre` is the very best...he has just done wonders with my hair." Or " Why Yes darling, I will meet you at La Perri's and we will do lunch." The House Wives of Chaves county have phone conversations as well. Lots of times they go like this.

Ring Ring, that's my phone ringing.

Me...hello, trying to pry my eyes open and be coherent.
Cottonpicker.....very exuberantly...GOOD MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me ...hello, searching for coffee cup.
Cottonpicker....guess what I did yesterday?
Me...I have not a clue.
CP.... I killed a snake., right by the side of the house.
Me....oh gosh, well I guess it is getting to be that time.

From there on the conversation is all about snakes and if they will be bad this year, And which is the best way ti kill them. My personal preference is a shotgun. How dry it is and the weather forecast. Cottonpicker is the Chaves county's main source for the weather. She knows what the short term and the long term forecast is. And we talk about food. Like pound cake and chocolate, important things like that.

Another phone call...

Ring Ring...that's my phone ringing again.
Me, Hello
Dirtroad S. Hello, how ya doing?
Me...good how about you?
Dirtroad....been doing any quilting?
Me, nope been gardening, how about you?
Dirtroad....No I have been working the yard and such, hauling manure to the raised beds.
Me....I need some cats...do you have any to spare?
Dirtroad...just about 20 head take your pick.

And on it goes. We cover gardening, cats, kids, snakes, pound cake and chocolate.

I think that we should challenge the House Wives of Orange County to a showdown. If they can kill a snake, milk a cow, can twelve quarts of green beans. Get a show animal ready to show for the kids 4H. Help their husband doctor a mad bovine, or pull an old worn out pickup to start it. Make a quilt block. Rock a baby. Clean up a bloody gash on a kids head, while scolding him for being on top of the pump house cause you told him he was gona fall off and crack his head open. And loving and worrying about him hoping that he does not need stitches. And have 3 hot meals on the table...on time. If they can do all that in one day...and do it right...we will reward them with....a pound cake, and rodeo tickets, and a trip to the farm store to buy a new pair of blue jeans. A shotgun to kill snakes with. And a new sparkling stainless steel milk pail. Makes me drool just to think about it.

And if they challenge us back..I would like to imagine it would be like this.

9 am the limo will arrive you have to be ready.
10 am you will be dropped off at the spa.
Change into spa clothes you only have half an hour to do this.
Get ready for full body massage.
Nails, hair, facial all have to be preformed before one pm.
Lunch....must order the most expensive thing from the menu...no sharing of plates, you each will have to order your very own whole entree.
Only two desserts, each, from the dessert cart.
Shopping..you will have 2000.00 dollars each. You have to buy clothes and shoes. No brooms, no fabric...no chicken feed. You have 4 hours. Oh this one may lose us. It also stipulates that we cannot buy said clothes at any store that sales horseshoes or animal feed of any kind....and denim is prohibited! Oh woe the injustice of it all!
OK if we get this far and we have done all the above mentioned tasks and done them well then we will win!
The prize will be.....
Wear new outfit for a romantic night of dinner and dancing with your husband. Retire to your 5 star hotel suite. Order room service....just because you can. And call it a day.

So what do you think....Will it be a hit????

God Bless and Happy Trails
RanchWife